- If we take Troy Aikman’s clothing-removal recommendation to its logical excessive, the sport would change into safer AND have fewer tough tackles.
- Take the clothes off? Why not simply lose the entire ensemble?
- An all-nude soccer league would imply each participant has one thing at stake – a number of somethings, actually.
Longtime concussion recipient Troy Aikman has determined the Nationwide Soccer League is doing an excessive amount of to cease gamers from brain-damaging one another, saying throughout Monday evening’s recreation that the league ought to “take the clothes off” in terms of roughing-the-passer penalties.
Whereas many labeled the legendary Dallas Cowboys quarterback’s remark sexist, I believe Aikman could be on to one thing that would higher defend all NFL gamers. I’m referring, after all, to enjoying the sport of soccer carrying helmets, and nothing else.
Take the clothes off? Heck, why not simply lose the pads and shirts and stretchy man-trousers and cleats and socks and the entire ensemble?
All-nude NFL video games? Why that is … wait … it makes excellent sense!
Contents
- 1 All-nude NFL video games? Why that is … wait … it makes excellent sense!
- 2 Maybe soccer is not the perfect recreation for general human well being
- 3 If I am bare, I am not going to sort out with fairly the identical power
- 4 Presenting … Nude Soccer League
- 5 The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders could have competitors
I’m certain a few of you might be pondering, “Rex, c’mon. You aren’t actually proposing all-nude soccer, are you?”
I most actually am. Many followers are involved in regards to the risks NFL gamers face in such a violent sport. By extra strictly implementing guidelines round how a defender can take down a quarterback – the aforementioned roughing-the-passer penalty – referees can higher defend the gamers most susceptible to vicious hits.
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Maybe soccer is not the perfect recreation for general human well being
However generally that creates controversial calls, just like the one Monday evening that set Aikman off. A Kansas Metropolis Chiefs defensive sort out fell on Las Vegas Raiders quarterback Derek Carr and a penalty flag flew. There was one other current roughing-the-quarterback name involving Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady that some felt was overly protecting of the QB’s noggin.
Individuals like Aikman, who has a number of concussions throughout his enjoying days, are likely to say issues like, “It’s a troublesome sport, you’ve gotta take some hits.” And I believe that’s a advantageous manner to consider a sport that, if we’re being 100% sincere, is an general dangerous thought, human-health-wise.
But when we take Aikman’s clothing-removal recommendation to its logical excessive, I’d argue the sport would change into safer AND have fewer penalties regarding overly tough tackles.
If I am bare, I am not going to sort out with fairly the identical power
Wrap me up in heavy pads and I’ll gladly run full-tilt into one other human being. However pop a helmet on my head and depart the remainder of me al fresco and I’m pondering twice about operating too laborious into something.
An all-nude soccer league would imply each participant has one thing at stake – a number of somethings, actually.
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It’s potential the NFL, in attempting to higher defend gamers, has had all of it flawed. Extra protecting gear and harsher penalties would possibly assist. However making all gamers equally susceptible as a consequence of nakedness? THAT would calm issues down a bit.
Presenting … Nude Soccer League
The brand new NFL – Nude Soccer League – might additionally leverage this wise, Aikman-inspired method to achieve out to new audiences. Watching 22 uniformed, pad-clad males operating across the discipline knocking the tuna salad out of one another is one factor. Watching 22 males doing all that bare? That’s a wholly completely different present.
The slogan prospects are infinite: “Identical Nice Recreation, Now With EVERYTHING on the Line”; “Like Chippendale’s, Solely Extra Jiggly”; “Are You Prepared for Some Pores and skin, and Additionally Soccer?”
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders could have competitors
Aikman’s previous staff is legendary for its scantily clad Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Why not have the gamers go a number of steps past that?
It might certainly make the on-field hits softer. And so far as the tough-guy, pro-bro angle Aikman espouses? Belief me, anybody enjoying soccer within the nude has some critically large … braveness.
Extra humor and satire from Rex Huppke:
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What Trump and his wannabes did in a single weekend ought to scare us all.
Comply with USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Fb: fb.com/RexIsAJerk